Saturday, 15 January 2011

Lunar's Tears: Chapter 1

Chapter 1


The sun was setting behind the damaged houses. The sky was red, with streaks of orange, highlighting the now, deep purple clouds. It was pretty-- to look at the sky a different colour to grey. I walked on the cracked pavement, watching where I stepped in case I fell, again. A cold breeze cut against my skin, making me look up and gasp in shock. Across the street were two figures, walking side by side. I squinted in their direction, but the scattered leaves blew in my face. I sighed in frustration, and hopped into one of the brick bus stops perched on the street. The bus stop was deserted. In fact, the whole street was deserted. I looked over at the two people on the other side of the street again, casually leaning on one wall.


One was tall, a man from his physique. He had dark hair, and stood still in the wind. There was something striking about him, and I realised it was because he was so attractive. His wind-whipped hair set his electric-blue eyes. His stillness was unsettling and alluring at the same time. But something spelled out over all of that. One word came across my mind when I looked at him; DANGEROUS. You could see it in the way he held himself; back straight, arms in pockets, head forward. I stared at him for a while, fascinated by his peculiar appearance. Then a movement on his right caught my eye.


It was a girl. She looked three years older than me, with the same jet-black hair. Her blue-green eyes were focused on what she was doing with her hands. They were making swift movements, whilst suddenly her hair flew backwards, along with her coat. It was then I noticed the samurai sword tucked in the coat. At first glance, you wouldn't notice... But the gleam from it was so clear now.


I hugged my arms around my torso, feeling truly afraid. Who were these people? Why do I feel so alone? A speeding car suddenly came zooming down the road. It was too fast to see what kind of car it was, but suddenly, a mass of black lightning struck it. There was something strange about the lightning... It was black. And it didn't come from the sky, it came from... Him. But... How was that possible? The man tucked something on a loop on his leather jacket, too quick for me to see what.


Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by the flames. The orange and yellow flickered up to the sky. The smoke was a thick tendril choking me. A flash of a memory came over me, but the next second it was gone. I coughed and stumbled backwards, clumsy as I dropped to the floor. Over the ringing in my ears, I heard two voices arguing.


"Inconspicuous, Thor," I heard one say.


"What did you expect me to do?" The other replied.


I didn't hear any more, as I passed out from the smoke.

Criticism much appreciated

6 comments:

  1. Awesome Lunar, if you want criticism, avoid putting gaps inbetween the paragraph.

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  2. Don't listen to Dragona, I like the gaps.
    :P

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  3. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! AWESOME!!! I LOVE it! XDDDD


    WANT MOAR!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. wow, i cnat wait for more... who is who. guy in the car, thor, girl, kallista, guy? who? dragona?

    AWESOME

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  5. Wow Thrice, your comment has really confused me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. LUNAR!!! This... Is... AMAZING!!!! And you got my character perfectly!!!!
    I am blown away.

    ReplyDelete