Tuesday, 25 January 2011

One-Off Short Chapter


I was encouraged to post this. But be warned! This is very short and has a lot of second person in it. Also, for those of you who dislike gaps, this has gaps. Because that's how I do it when I'm writing by hand. So there. Overall, this is a short little chapter I felt like writing. G'day.

Lunar's eyes were a fiery blaze. The burning scarlet glared at everything in its path. When the demons narrowed on your fragile little figure, you knew you were doomed. As your bony little legs began to run, you knew there would be no gain. When you felt the sweet breath of her on your neck, you knew it would be the last thing you ever felt-- Well, apart from the piercing pain.

So, as her snake hair coiled around your neck, searching for the cure to the thirst, you began to pant and your heart sped up. And oh boy, did that shorten your time.

And has her pointy teeth pierced the skin of your neck and bit into your vein, you just went limp, didn't you? Given up? Because she sure hopes not. Whilst she drains your body of the deep red liquid you so desperately need, she secretly hopes you fight back. Wishes for the last kick of human instinct that says, "I shall not die today!"

But you disappoint her. Of course, you gave her your blood. But you just ran and gave up. So disheartening to see. She expected more of you.

So as she drops your limp body to the ground, she listens for her next prey. A young couple-- Arguing by the sound of it. Excellent. Youth.

So as she hunts her prey, and as you slip away, you make one wish. Just one. You hope to God that they catch her.

Tell me what you think.

4 comments:

  1. Very good Lunar. It's better without gaps but I'm not complaining. It's a bit unclear what's happening if you want constructive criticism, you're just asking questions with hardly any actually movements said. Awesome story!

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  2. WOW! AMAZING writing! very sophisticated and detailed. Chilling. :)
    I love it!


    *tries to aproach the evil Lunar*

    Niiiiiiiiiiice Lunar. Nice girl. Niiiiiiiiiiiic- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!


    *dies in the wrath od Lunar*

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  3. Very cool! But can you please post part 4 of your fan-fic? I think that it is written in an amazing way. Please? :'(

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